Wednesday, July 18, 2012

My Brain Makes Bad Decisions

I originally posted this on Facebook a couple weeks ago, but I thought I'd preserve it for posterity. :)

Brain: Hey, you know what would be a great idea?
Me: What?
Brain: Wash this knife--reallyfast!
Me: Oh, yes! Excellent suggestion. *begins to wash knife* Lalala. . . *slices finger open* Shoot!
Brain: Ah, you knew this had to happen sometime. All good cooks lose a finger at some point. 
Me: No! No, no! Not going to. *grabs paper towel* It's not bleeding.
Brain: Probably will. You'll probably lose all your blood. Ever.
Me: Super glue. . . Super glue! *runs to room, rummages in drawer*
Brain: The glue will probably get in the cut and suffuse your bloodstream and--
Me: Super glue! *squishes cut together and applies glue as blood starts to pool*
Brain: Hey, look! Just in time.
Finger: Hey! Hey! You guys cut me! I'm the one who does all the work--I type a bunch of letters and I'm the one who plays with the touchpad on your computer and--
Brain: Silence him!
Finger: No! No, wait! I'm useful! I won't bleed, I pro--
Me: *muffles the finger in a bandage*
Brain: Good. *pauses* Now, you know what would be another great idea?

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